Promises
by TheWritingDampire
Summary: He promised me. He promised me that he wouldn't do such a stupid thing, and what does he do? He goes and does it. He looked me in the eyes and promised me that he wouldn't do this. He promised me that he wouldn't try and commit suicide. Hopefully Jisbon :
1. Chapter 1

**Hey there! This is my first story ever so don't judge :) I may not be able to update that often because school is _evil _especially maths. I'll try and get another chappie up by thursdayy, in australia so that makes it wednesday wherever anybody else is... I think... **

**Anyway enjoy :P**

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><p>He promised me. He promised me that he would do such a stupid thing, and what does he do? He goes and does it. He looked me in the eyes and promised me that he wouldn't do this. He promised me that he wouldn't try and commit suicide.<p>

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><p>"CBI, turn around and put your hands in the air!" I shouted at the hooded figure standing with his back turned to me. I had just chased this bastard up 20 flights of stairs; he wasn't getting away that easy. "I said, put your hands in the air!" he tensed up but eventually did as I said, "good, now turn around-<em>slowly."<em>

I couldn't hold back a gasp when he turned around, his eyes were a bloody red colour and what looked to be blood was leaking from them. I heard something shuffle behind me and then what sounded like some one falling over. I was about to yell at Jane for not being in the car were I told him to wait when the suspect smiled. This time I could barely hold back a scream.

I felt Jane tense up behind me as he saw what was going on. "Yes?" he asked, the 's' pronounced a little funny because of the lack of teeth. His gums were still bleeding as though they had only just been pulled. He must have seen the disgusted look on my face because he smiled even wider at me before turning his attention to the man behind me. "Ah, Patrick," he all but sneered and Jane flinched, " how is your dear wife? Or how about that beautiful daughter of yours, seen her lately?"

"Damn you." Jane whispered and I realized. I had a gun pointed at Red John.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Grace and Rigsby step out from their hiding place silently, keeping their guns on target. They were staring at me, waiting for instruction, but I couldn't take my eyes off the man in front of me. I glanced at Jane and saw a combination of disgust, fear and pure loathing on his face and I knew that this would end badly. Jane seemed to be frozen in place but I could tell that he had every intention of moving.

Before I could blink Jane had lunged at the man who was still standing there with that stupid, bloody smirk on his face. By the time I realized what was going on Red John now had a blood nose along with everything else. I called out for Rigsby and VanPelt to cover me while a holstered my gun and went to pull Jane off him.

"Stop!" I yelled. Loudly because I could barely hear myself think over the yelling of one certain consultant of mine. I yanked him off as Red John yanked me down. He slammed me down onto the floor and took my gun. Straddling me he calmly pointed the gun in my face while Cho who had heard the commotion and came in to find this was holding Jane back.

"You let her go!" Jane yelled, voice cracking. He was struggling so hard that Cho had to really work to keep a hold of him.

"No. I don't think I will." Red John said snidely. I could feel his weight crushing me as I struggled to breathe, "I think I'll stay here for a while, I'm mighty comfy at the moment. Wouldn't you agree Teresa?"

His weight on my chest made it hard for me to respond, I opened my mouth to threaten red john but no words came out. He smiled his gummy smile at me once more-all the while pointing the gun right at my face-and I felt my stomach lurch, how many other people had to see this right before he butchered them? I opened my mouth again and still no sound came out. I was starting to feel light headed. I had to get out of here. Now.

I turned my head to face the ongoing scuffle between Jane and Cho. I had to tell Jane. If I didn't tell him now he would never know. I could still see Jane and Cho struggling, Jane's eyes wouldn't leave my face and I could tell what was running through his head.

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><p><strong>I know it just cuts off but there's more to come. Reviews would be greatly appreciated :D<strong>

**TWD**


	2. Chapter 2

**Right well you can all murder me for not updating but computer time is hard to get in my house. Anyway enjoy :)**

**P.S Charlotte you can stop nagging me now **

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><p>Fear. That's what was running through his mind. She saw it in his eyes as she heard the gunshot that left her in a coma for about two weeks. The rest was a bit fuzzy 'round the edges. The last thing Lisbon remembered before letting the darkness overcome her was Patrick Jane-the man she loved and hated at the same time-sitting next to her, holding her hand, tears running down his face as he begged and pleaded with her to stay, whispering things into her ear as she struggled to breathe. In the moment of clarity before everything went dark, she understood what those whisperings were- "Lisbon, you can't leave me. I love you…"<p>

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><p><em>Beep…beep…beep... beep. <em>I groaned and tried to whack the alarm clock that was the source of the annoying noise. "Whoa, no you don't," came a gruff voice from next to me. The owner of said voice caught my arm and placed it gently back on my bed. The alarm clock was still ringing so I tried to hit it again. No use. My arm was still held firmly in place by the mystery person. A mystery person that sounded a lot like Jane. "Lisbon?" he asked, a mixture of joy and relief in his voice.

"What do you want Jane? Why are you in my house and why the hell wont you let me turn my alarm clock off?" I still hadn't bothered to open my eyes and that blasted alarm clock was still beeping.

"We thought you were dead.." he whispered, "I thought I'd lost you forever." This had been strange enough to make me open my eyes and when I did, it wasn't what I was expecting.

I wasn't at home in my comfy bed with an evil alarm clock. I was in hospital with an annoying beeping machine, a lot of pain in my side and no clue how I got here. "How did I get here?" I looked at Jane for the first time, "you look like crap." He laughed but it didn't reach his eyes.

" You don't remember?" he looked like he hadn't slept in weeks and his usual three piece suit was crumpled. When I shook my head he sighed, "we caught a lead on Red John and I convinced you into a plan which ended with you in here and Red John in the morgue." You chased him up to the roof of the building he was staying in and things got out of hand and its all my fault. I'm so sorry, Lisbon. I'm so sorry." By this time he was grasping one of my hands in both of his and looked on the verge of bawling is eyes out. This was not good. He looked me in the eyes as he finished his story.

"My need for revenge got the best at me and I thought that I could fight him alone and you, being who you are decided that you would try and help me. So you pulled me off him but you couldn't get away fast enough. He pulled you to the ground and held a gun at your face. Rigsby tried to get a clear shot but he skimmed you in the process. There was so much blood. I didn't think you'd survive; there was so much blood. I'm so, so sorry." By now he was crying, holding onto my hand as if it was a lifeline.

My side gave a twinge of pain where the bullet had skimmed me, Rigsby must be beating himself up about this, I thought. I could almost remember the sound the gun made as he fired.

"_I'm mighty comfy at the moment. Wouldn't you agree Teresa?" I remember looking at Jane and seeing about a million emotions run through his eyes and then, BANG! A starburst of pain opened in my side and the man sitting on top of me cried out in pain. He hit me on the temple with the but of his gun and everything went dark. The next thing I remember it Jane sitting next to me with tears pouring down his face and pleading with me not to leave him. I tried to respond but it felt like some one had stuffed my mouth with cotton wool. The world started to go fuzzy again but Jane said something that registered in my brain; "Lisbon, you can't leave me. I love you…"_

I snapped out of my little flash back to see Jane staring at me with concerned eyes.

"You love me?"

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><p><strong>Why yes, i do believe I am that evil stay tuned for Janes reaction and just how bad Lisbons injuries are. I have no idea when i will be able to update next, just dont kill me in the mean time . Btw.. I love reviews :D<strong>

**TWD**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, I give all of you full permission to come and murder me in my sleep because its been forever since I've updated. In my defence i had a lot on my mind and ontop of all that I'm sick, which is why im doing this in the middle of the day... **

**Anywayy i should probably let you read **

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><p><em>I snapped out of my little flash back to see Jane staring at me with concerned eyes.<em>

_"You love me?"_

He gaped at me with wide eyes. If this were a different situation I'd tease him for looking like a fish, but now wasn't the time. I'm still not even sure that he _did_ say that. He never did give me a straight answer.

"I'm sorry, what?" I looked into his eyes to see if he was just stalling for time but all I saw was a mask. His blue eyes held no emotion as he swallowed heavily.

"When I was shot. You were talking to me, telling me to stay awake and just as I was about to go unconscious, you told me you loved me," while I was saying this his eyes still held no emotion, instead opting to become a cold steel barrier to what he was thinking. I could feel the heat of a blush start to crawl up my cheeks. Who knew what id heard that night? I was shot and probably delusional. He probably didn't even say that to me. Way to dream about him telling you he loves you Teresa, "you know what, never mind. I probably just imagined it anyway."

He attempted a smile. Too bad it turned into a grimace, "well, you _had_ just been shot by a cop and hit over the head by a crazed murderer. You do tend to hear weird things when that happens." I saw something flash in his eyes. It was only there for a second because the walls were slammed back into place. It looked like a strange mixture of relief and regret. I was staring at him to try and see if I could decipher it. I didn't realize he was looking back until a nurse walked in and cleared her throat noisily.

"Miss Lisbon, you're awake!" great just what I needed, a nurse that decided the world needed to be happy when someone first wakes up. "I just have to check your vitals and now that you're awake, you can tell me how the pains going. We had to rely on your psychic boyfriend before."

"Oh, um. He's not my boyfriend. He's a consultant," I said, the blush that hadn't completely receded from before coming back full force.

"Yes, I'm the consultant that should probably leave now. I'll be back later," he leaned in close and whispered in my ear, "I'll try and smuggle in some coffee for you okay?" When I didn't answer he kissed my cheek lightly, stood up, straightened his rumpled suit, smiled charmingly at the nurse and walked out.

By now, I was sure that my face was radiating heat. The nurse, who I learned her name was Elissa, smiled a knowing smile at me. "You know he hasn't left your bedside since you've been here?" she said while she took readings from the annoying beeping thing that decided to wake me up, "everyone else has come and gone, but he's been here the whole time. We've all tried to get him to go home but it was like he didn't even hear us."

"He's been here the whole time?" I squeaked, " Exactly how long is that?" I sucked in a breath, she was playing with my side, "Why must doctors and nurses always poke and prod at things that hurt? If it didn't hurt we wouldn't be here."

"Oh. If you can feel that its good because it tells me that there's no nerve damage. In answer to your first question, you've been here for just under a week."

"I'm going to kill him," I muttered, wincing again as she poked at a tender spot.

"I would highly advise against that until you're better and even after that because I don't know whether or not you can see it, but he cares for you. A lot. " She noticed me wincing again, "Getting a bit sore?" I nodded. "I'll go and get you something for that, you stay right here." As if I was going anywhere anyway.

So he cares about you Teresa? Doesn't mean he told you he loved you, it was just your over imaginative mind making things up to make you feel better. He still loves his wife and daughter. Deal with it.

Elissa came back in the room, pulling me out of my internal argument and back into the real world. "Here you go," she said injecting something into the IV thingy in the back of my hand, "this should make you feel better. You should start feeling a little drowsy now, don't worry that's just the medicine taking affect."

Before my eyelids decided they'd fill with rocks and my mouth stopped working properly, I manage to say, "what if Jane comes back?"

"Its okay ill make sure he doesn't draw on your face or anything, he's already tried that once." She chuckled a little and I felt the corners of my mouth lift into a half smile.

"I'm still gonna kill him," I mumbled and fell into darkness once more.

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><p><strong>So there you go. I should be able to get another chappie up soon because im going to Perth next week and I have three days to do nothing.<strong>

**Rveiws = love (and faster updates)**

**TWD**


	4. Chapter 4

**Anndd im backk. Hii, heres the next chapter. im skipping a bit ahead here so i hope you don't mindd. hopefully there will be another one sometime this week but who knows. Enjoy :)**

**P.S I've just realised i haven't done a declaimer sooo**

**Disclaimer: i don't own. i wish i did. but i don't.. oh well, a girl can dream **

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><p><strong>One Week Later<strong>

"Well Teresa, I think this is goodbye," Elissa said to me with a sad smile on her face, "I hope to never see you again."

"Same, though I would be happier if I didn't have to take a wheelchair down to my car," it's true, they were going to make me be wheeled around like an invalid. I could walk perfectly fine, Jane just coerced them into it so he could push me around and if that wasn't bad enough, I had to stay with him for another week. Yes, you head me right. Another week. Alone. With Patrick Jane as my only company. The doctor didn't think I could handle walking around my own apartment just yet, luckily for me Jane happened to walk in the door and offered to help. The doctor jumped at the idea and I got stuck with Jane. For a week.

"Sorry, its protocol. Mr. Jane should be up soon, so he can take you down to his car. Remember, no activity that strains your side. So that means no physical activity or working. You're to stay at home and rest." She fixed me with a stern look as she said that, like she new that I was dreading it. She then gave me a knowing smile, "who knows, maybe you'll both realize that you're meant for each other. God knows you've been dancing around one another for forever."

The thing about Elissa was that she was very easy to talk to and seeing as she was there for all of my Jane rants, she knew a lot. She knew all about his stupid little rampages to catch the killer. She also knew how I felt about him. I don't know why, but I felt like I could trust her. More than anyone else, so I told her. Someone might as well know, because it didn't seem like Jane was getting over his wife and daughters death anytime soon. Even with Red John gone.

"You _know_ why I dance, Elissa. Not much I can do but get over it," she frowned at the sadness in my voice but before she could say anything a certain blonde haired, blue eyed consultant walked into the room.

"What's all this talk about dancing?" he asks. Here comes that damned blush, creeping up my neck to give me away. I duck my head and hope my hair covers my face. All I can say is thank God for Elissa.

"Tessa was just telling me about her secret passion for dancing," Tessa was the nickname shed given me on my second day of being awake. She said it fit my personality more than Teresa. It was more fiery apparently. "I know Patrick, you could dance with her while you're caring for her. How does that sound?" the knowing glint in her eyes unnerved me.

" I think I could give it a go," Jane smirked and winked at me. Yep. That help keep the blush at bay…not, "I thought that physical activity of any kind was banned? Wouldn't want dear Lisbon tearing a stitch now would we?" if looks could kill, one Patrick Jane would be a very dead man right now. He just grinned at me. His trademark grin that made me die a little on the inside knowing that he was still hooked on his dead wife and daughter.

Elissa looked disappointed as she remembered that I couldn't do anything like that until I got these retched stitches out. It was gone in a flash though, replaced by a look of mischief. Not unlike the one Jane gets on his face when he's planning something stupid. I look at her warily.

"Oh gosh, I forgot about that. Well I guess you'll have to do it some other time then," yep, there was no missing the cheeky smile and evil glint. She was planning something and I wasn't so sure I wanted to know what it was. She gave me a look and continued talking, "anyway, you two should get going. Tessa, you must be dying to get out of here."

It was true; I was dying to get out of there. I was still sad to see her go though; maybe we could keep in contact. It shouldn't be too hard to get her info.

"Yeah, we probably should get going. At least I have my off duty weapon if he get too annoying," Jane gave me a worried look and Elissa just grinned, telling me with her eyes that I was all talk, "I'll miss you. We should keep in contact, can I have your phone number or something?"

"Sure," she said, writing it down, "I hope you can read it. You know with my doctors handwriting and all." She glanced significantly at Jane when she said this. I told her about the time he solved a case by the handwriting of the person pretending to be a doctor.

"Thanks I'll give you a ring when I get rid of my tagalong," I whispered the last part but Jane, being the annoying mentalist he is, heard me.

"Really Lisbon? Are that all you think of me as? A tagalong? I'm hurt. Its okay, I know you're secretly thrilled to have me at your house for a week." He mumbled something at the end but I didn't hear it.

"What?"

"Oh nothing my dear. Lets get moving shall we?" the look on his face told me it wasn't really nothing but I decided to drop it for now. I did have a whole week to pester him about it. I fixed him with a stern look and lowered myself slowly into the chair. I was so gonna regret this.

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><p><strong>There we go. chapter 4 down. im still not sure where this is going so im going to ask you guys. <strong>

**should i continue writing sotra happy stuff and leave out jane going all depressed? or should i continue on the way i was planning? if you could review your answers that would be awesome. also thank you to all the people who have reviewed already. :D**

**TWD**


	5. Chapter 5

**hey there guys, I'm baaacckkk. Perth was absolutely freezing and to top it all off i found out nee to carry an epi pen around everywhere with me because im allergic to the cold of all things. not very fun. anywayyss not too sure about this one but i think its needed in the long run.**

**thanks to all those people who reviewed about the way this story is going, I've decided that jane will still get depressed so sorry to everyone who wanted a happy story.**

**Just Lisbon and Elissa in this one, no Jane. right i should stop rambling and let you get reading. it is currently 12:12 in the morning, see what i do for you guys?**

**enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: sadly no, i don't own. i did however buy season 1&2 on thursday...does that count?**

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><p>I regret this already. Jane has completely taken over my life. I've only been home two days and he's already managed to annoy the neighbour, break a vase I got from my grandmother-not that I particularly liked it but, still-and on top of all that he wont let me do a damned thing. I cant even walk down the stairs of my apartment without Jane magically appearing by my side, assisting in anyway he possibly he can.<p>

"Seriously Elissa, its like he's super glued to my side. The only time he will leave me alone is when I go to the bathroom. I think he'd even go with me if I didn't have a go at him for it. And don't you dare make anything out of that!" this is what he had reduced me to-locking myself in the bathroom, turning the shower on high and whispering down the phone to Elissa.

She chuckled, "Tessa, Tessa, Tessa. What am I going to do with you? You need to open your eyes and see what's right in front of you. Do you think the man would be doing this if he didn't have any feelings for you what so ever? No. He likes you, go and make something of it. I'm surprised you two haven't exploded yet, all that tension in one apartment. Is there something you're not telling me Teresa Lisbon?"

I studied my reflection in the steam filled mirror while I took all this in, maybe he really did like me? Maybe I'm just too stubborn to see it, that sounds like me; Teresa Lisbon, the woman who couldn't see what was right in front of he before it was too late. I'm not stupid-I know I'm not the most attractive woman in the world, but I'm not ugly. I've seen the way men look at me but I could never seem to find my type. It's only now I'm realizing that I only ever had trouble finding a "type" after I met Jane. That blasted man had a hold of me when I first met him and it infuriates me.

"Tessa? Are you still there?" oh crap; Elissa yanked me out of my inner musings and into the real world. The whole bathroom was filled with steam by now, it was getting hard to see but it kept Jane out of my way so I put up with it.

"Sorry El, I was just thinking," yeah, about one very infuriatingly handsome consultant currently cooking you dinner downstairs.

"It's okay Hun, I get it. Too caught up in thinking about your blonde haired beauty to talk to your friend. I get it. I'm just not important any more." Oh sure, lay on the sarcasm.

"Ha-ha, very funny Liss. Even if I do admit that there might be a tiny, no miniscule chance that he likes me back. How do you suggest I go about it? I can't just walk over to him and say 'hey, I know that you still love your wife and daughter-who are dead by the way-but I think I love you' can I?" wait, I _love _Jane? Great. I can't wait to see what Elissa makes of this. She was bad enough already, now this? I might as well have said goodbye to my eardrums. All I can do is hope she wasn't paying attention and missed the whole 'love' part.

She was paying attention and my eardrums are now long gone. Well done Teresa, well done. I think the squeal could be heard in Australia.

"Oh my god!" yep, you could defiantly hear it in Australia. The poor people, deafened by my best friend screaming into my phone. "You love Patrick? Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! You have to tell him. Now. No, wait not now. You have to finish talking to me first. Then you have to tell him."

I swished my fingers through the steam that filled my bathroom while I drowned out Elissa's rambling. I loved her and all but, man, that girl could talk. And once Elissa starts talking its kinda hard to shut her up, so I just go with it. Besides, its kind of calming-hearing someone's voice in the background while you're lost in thought.

There was a banging on the door, "Lisbon, dinners ready!" I jumped, almost dropping the phone that Elissa's babbling voice was still pouring from.

"I'll be down in a minute." I called, turning off the water to the shower. I was going to have one heck of a water bill but, it was worth it in the long run. Now came the hard part: getting Elissa to shut up long enough to tell her I had to go. I could still hear he going on and on about how I should tell Patrick Jane how I loved him as I hesitantly lifted the phone back to my ear.

"Hmmm, you know what? I don't think I'll tell him the way I feel. Maybe I'll just see how things play out." That should get her attention. Sure enough a shrill:

"Teresa Lisbon, don't you dare!" I could hear her breathing heavily on the other side of the line and figured that a) I had finally managed to quiet her in the middle of a ramble and b) I don't think she breathed even once all that time.

"I was joking 'Lissa, I have to go now. My shadow says dinners ready. I'll call you tomorrow and let you know how things work out okay?"

"damn right you will. I should probably go now too, I have work in half an hour. Take care and remember that he feels the same way."

I laughed, always trying to reassure me, "okay Elissa, bye."

I took a deep breath and hung up my phone, unlocked the door of the bathroom and walked down stairs to meet my impending doom…

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><p><strong>Dun Dun Dunnn. hope you liked it. <strong>

**i have exams in 2 weeks so if i don't update, thats why. **

**reviews = love just thought i'd sayy**

**TWD**


	6. Chapter 6

**I'mm backkkkk. I know it took me a while to update but in my defence, I had exams and i just happened to get sick on exam week. soooo, i haven't had much time to write, or do anything really. On the bright side I'm getting an exchange student next sunday and next year I'm coming to America! I'm really excited. Anywayss, i should stop rambling and let you read. I'm not really impressed with this chapter sooo. Enjoy**

**Disclaimer: Nope, too busy saving money to go to America next month :)**

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><p>To tell you the truth, my impeding doom wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. That didn't stop my heart from trying to bounce out of my chest as I plodded down the stairs, holding my side gingerly. I never did manage to have a shower in all that time I spent in the bathroom. I hope Jane doesn't notice-then he'd know something was up. Oh, who was I kidding, this is Jane we're talking about here. Of course he noticed. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he had been standing out side the bathroom door that whole time, trying to catch snippets of our conversation.<p>

As I got further down the stairs and my mini freak out session had increased tenfold, I smelled something delicious wafting from the kitchen. If Jane had been listening in on my conversation with Elissa, he would never have had the time to cook something that smelled so nice. I only had two steps to go and my breath was coming in shallow pants. I felt like slapping myself upside my head for being so worked up over a guy. A freaking guy_. _And not just any guy. Patrick Jane; mind reader extraordinaire, charming, good-looking and just a little bit irresistible. I was leaving out one major problem though. He was still completely in love with his wife and daughter.

Red John was long gone and yet, he still found the need to be bound by vows that had long ago been considered null and void. The fact that he still wore his ring was testimony to that. Every time I caught a glimpse of the golden band my heart sank a little further because I knew that his heart would never belong to me. I was always just some woman he worked with in his mad plot to get revenge on Red John for killing his wife and daughter. Nothing more, nothing less.

"You know that if you keep standing there like that, you might just turn to stone right?" a deep voice and a flash of gold hair pulled me out of my frozen state. He was right. I was standing as still as I could, just watching him move around the kitchen while I was trying to muster up the courage to break the perfect scene. I stood up a little straighter and fixed him with a glare.

"I thought we agreed that I would be doing dinner tonight?" I put on my best reprimanding voice and tried not to show that I was thankful that he did because if he hadn't, it would have been Chinese for dinner tonight. "What did you cook anyway? It smells really good," I breathed in through my nose to emphisise my point.

"We did but you were too busy in the bathroom chatting away to Elissa, so I figured I would leave you two to catch up while I made dinner. Its beef casserole by the way. My special recipe." He smirked at my expression when he told me he knew that I wasn't really showering. As for the 'special recipe', he could shove that where the sun don't shine because I wasn't biting. I settled for a small noise in the back of my throat and sitting down on one of the stools at the counter, waiting to be served my delicious smelling dinner.

Needless to say, dinner was as just as I thought it would be: delicious and just slightly uncomfortable. Okay, I may have been the cause of the uncomfortable-ness. Every time I tried to talk, my mouth dried up and refused to work so I just sat there like a gaping fish until I realized I could pass it off as pretending to yawn. The good thing about pretending to yawn was that he didn't realise that I was trying-and failing-to talk. The bad thing was that he noticed to yawing and figured that I was extremely tired and needed to sleep. As if I could sleep knowing he was down on my couch.

He was originally in my room on the floor, just incase I "needed him during the night and couldn't get downstairs to get help". The sleeping on the floor was working well until I woke up one morning to find him next to me. On my bed. With me cuddling up next to him and a few vague memories of a half asleep me asking him to stay and listening him murmur muffled words to me in a strangely Australian accented voice. The last thing I could remember was rolling over and mumbling "you know you have an Australian accent when you get tired?" I didn't stay awake long enough to hear the answer.

I kicked him out after that. He didn't mention it, nor did I. It was like an unspoken agreement between us. Not that I necessarily wanted the tiny details of what went on the night but he'd been acting really strange afterwards. Like something had happened that I frustratingly couldn't remember. I couldn't stop thinking of stupid situations about what happened that night. That's what I've been doing every night since and I couldn't help but think that he was doing it too. I laughed at myself.

I'm acting like a teenager with her first crush. I mean, how hard could it be? Granted I've never been 'in love' before so this was all new to me. I think I was allowed to feel like I was 16 years old again.

With all of the yawning I was doing I didn't get a chance to talk to Jane. He wouldn't let me. Elissa is going to murder me and then bring me back so I could tell him that I loved him. Great.

Seeing as sleep is definitely off the agenda for tonight I decided to go downstairs and make myself a nice hot chocolate and just read my book. I still had a week of leave before I could go back to work, might as well enjoy it while I can. I heaved myself out of bed, ignoring my side as it gave a twinge of pain and yet again walked down the stairs.

I snuck past one very cute Patrick Jane who was actually snoring. I would have been absolutely hilarious if it wasn't the first time he'd slept since the bed escapade. Still, I had to swallow a giggle and resist the temptation to snap a picture and kept walking.

I was half way through pouring just the right amount of milk into my steaming mug when a voice made me jump about ten feet in the air. Not to mention it also completely screwed up my method of milk pouring.

"We need to talk."

Crap.

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><p><strong>There you go. Another chapter dow, who knows how many to go. Also i was wondering if i should do a oneshot about the night that Lisbon couldn't remember, either in janes POV of third person. Let me know what you think. <strong>

**TWD**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey there. Me again :) Sorry it took so long. I'm on holidays now so i should be able to update more often. **

**Enjoy :D**

**P.S thank you to funnygirlOoObroadwaybaby and i dont write i read, you know, the _only two_ people who revved my last chapter. :)**

**Disclaimer: Me no ownie**

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><p>Crap was right. One look into his unusually serious eyes and I knew that this wouldn't be a talk revolving around us making fun of each other. This would involve actually sitting down and discussing feelings. Great. My favourite thing in the world to do. Jane was being serious, so therefore I was being serious. I nodded, abandoned my ruined hot chocolate, bit back a comment about how he mucked up my method and showed him towards the couch where he was lying not two minutes ago.<p>

We sat there in silence for what seemed like hours until I couldn't ignore the elephant in the room any longer. "Sooo.." I trailed off uncertainly, just realizing that Jane just so happened to be in a state that I had been finding myself in lately. He was off with the fairies, so to speak. I tried again, "we needed to talk?" That got his attention. He jerked out of his trance and stared at me like he'd forgotten how we had gotten here. He swallowed heavily before continuing.

"Yes, umm we do," he couldn't look me in the eye and my head went into overdrive. What if he found out about what Elissa and me were talking about in the bathroom? What if he somehow managed to actually read my mind and find out that I loved him? What if- "I think that Van Pelt should be the one to look after you."

Of all the things he could have said, that was not it. I'm pretty sure he was the one that wouldn't let Van Pelt stay with me in the first place. "I thought you were the only one good enough to look after me? I mean, a week ago you wouldn't let anyone else anywhere near me." It was meant as a joke, but the second I said it, I wanted to shove it all back in. When he finally met my eyes, my heart shattered. He was crying.

"That was before," he said. So quietly I almost didn't hear it, but I did.

"Before what?" he was crying silently as I studied his face, tear tracks shining in the half-light from my kitchen. What was 'before' that was making him hurt so bad?

"Just, before," he suddenly found the loose threads on the seems of my couch the most interesting things in the world and proceeded to study them with such an intensity that might have burnt a hole through the fabric. I rolled my eyes and asked again. He still wouldn't meet my eyes and gave me the same answer. He sounded close to tears. I took his face in both my hands and forced him to look in my eyes.

"Patrick Jane. _What_ is bothering you?" The last part said with particular force because he still refused to look me in the eyes; even though I still had a firm grip on his face. This was really staring to worry me now. I'd never seen him cry before. Ever. My hands were wet with new tears as he took a shaky breath in.

"Nothing. Nothing you need to worry about," deep, shuddering breath, "I just think that you should stay with Grace from now on. That's all." Oh, right. Nothing my ass. There was something, and I'm gonna figure it out. Even if its 3 AM an all I want to do is curl up and sleep.

"Okay, I know you're a good liar and all. But that really sucked. I may not have as good mind reading skills as you but I'm a cop. I do notice things too. And what I did notice was that you changed your story. Now spill and do it quick 'cause I want to go to bed." There. That should get his attention. It did. It also managed to shatter my heart into one thousand tiny, little pieces.

His eyes found mine and they looked _angry_. I sucked in a breath of surprise and he exploded. He tore my hands from his face with such a force he almost tore my arms from my sockets. "You really want to know what's wrong with me Teresa?" he yelled, with more power I ever imagined he could ever have, "you really want to know what's wrong! Well I'll tell you what's freaking wrong! Red John is dead. He's dead and I don't feel any better. Oh, and do you want to know what else is bothering me? I think you will. _Oh, _I think you'll _really _like this one. You're in love with me! And to make things even freaking worse I'm in love with you!"

He stood there breathing heavily, not seeming to have realised what he just said. Me on the other hand. I was too shocked to move. I'd kind of accepted the fact that he would find out about my secret but in no way did I think that he would love me back. As what he just said to me sunk in and Jane began to realise he probably shouldn't have said that: I found my voice.

"What?"

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><p><strong>Hope you liked it. Sorry its so short, its the only way i can end it without screwing up the next chappie :)<strong>

**Lets make a deal... If i get at least 3 reviews, I will update. If i don't, I wont update. deal? **

**Also, I just became a beta reader sooo if anyone needs their stories proofread, I'm available :)**

**TWD**


	8. Chapter 8

**Yayy! quick updates :) i love holidays don't you? anyway, heres another chapter. not too sure how i feel about it but i think its okay.**

**Thank you to all you people who reviewed, it really made my day/s. i love you all :)**

**Enjoy**

**Disclaimer: Pfftt, I wish.**

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><p>"<em>You really want to know what's wrong with me Teresa?" he yelled, with more power I ever imagined he could ever have, "you really want to know what's wrong! Well I'll tell you what's freaking wrong! Red John is dead. He's dead and I don't feel any better. Oh, and do you want to know what else is bothering me? I think you will. Oh, I think you'll really like this one. You're in love with me! And to make things even freaking worse I'm in love with you!"<em>

_He stood there breathing heavily, not seeming to have realised what he just said. Me on the other hand. I was too shocked to move. I'd kind of accepted the fact that he would find out about my secret but in no way did I think that he would love me back. As what he just said to me sunk in and Jane began to realise he probably shouldn't have said that: I found my voice._

"_What?"_

"Y-You heard me…" in all that time he had managed to back himself as far away from me as possible. He wasn't crying anymore-the sudden anger took care of that, but he did look like he regretted what he had said. He had his arms wrapped around his waist so tightly I wouldn't be surprised if he managed to squeeze his body into two pieces. He stared straight into my eyes, but it was like our roles had been reversed. My eyes were looking anywhere but his.

The elephant in the room before was just a baby compared to what was there now. This one was like an overweight fully grown elephant and that wasn't good. the elephant suddenly disappeared when Jane all of a sudden burst into uncontrollable sobs. He slid down the wall into a sitting position, still squeezing his sides. I was still frozen where I was sat and all I could do was watch as his fragile shoulders shook.

"Jane?" I asked tentatively to no answer, "Patrick?" still no answer. I rapidly un-froze from my position on the couch and all but ran over to him. When I got to him he was still curled up in a ball and was showing no intention of moving anytime soon so I crouched down next to him, wrapped my arms around him and let him cry.

About half an hour and one ruined t-shirt later, Jane's wracking sobs had stilled and his breathing had evened out. Sometime while I was trying to stop him from crying we had moved positions. I was now sat with my back up against the wall with my arms wrapped around Jane who was now quietly snoring into my shoulder. It was 3:30 in the morning. I was tired and Jane looked far too peaceful to move. So, ignoring the consequences, I rested my head on top of his and went to sleep. Thank god I still had a week of leave.

The next morning I woke up with a sore back and something heavy leaning on my shoulder. I clenched my eyes shut as I remembered last nights events, amazed that he was still asleep and hadn't run away. As comfortable as I was, I needed to get up and move and getting up and moving involves the blonde that I was currently holding in my arms waking up. Oh well, here goes nothing. Hopefully he will stick around long enough for me to figure out what the hell was going on with him last night.

"Jane," I whispered in to his ear while softly shaking his shoulder, "Patrick, you have to get up. My legs have gone to sleep."

He took a deep breath in, "Teresa?" he said sleepily, he sounded adorable, like he was still asleep. He squirmed where he was sitting before finally opening his eyes. I wish he hadn't though, because as soon as he opened his eyes he realised where he was-and how he got there. He took one look at me and scrambled up and all but ran to the other side of the room. Again. "Oh my god. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. What the hell have I done? Oh my god."

While Jane was having his little freak out session, I was having one of my own. What if he doesn't really love me back? What if he just thought I was his wife or something? What if he just wants to make me feel better because he doesn't love me back? There were too many what ifs and I didn't like it. I pulled myself up from my spot on the floor, wincing as my legs protested. It was time to find out what that man was thinking.

He was still muttering to himself as I slowly walked over to him. He didn't even notice I was standing right next to him until I touched his shoulder lightly. "Patrick, stop," he jumped a foot in the air and froze, staring at me like he'd never seen me before, "you need to tell me what's going on." He stood frozen for a while longer before un-freezing and pulling me down to the floor with him. This time though, our positions were reversed. That seemed to be happening a lot lately. He was sat against the wall with his legs stretched out and I was the one leaning on his shoulder.

"I do, and I will. As soon as I figure it out for myself," he spoke quietly, like if he spoke any louder someone else would hear.

"Well, how about we start with what you already know. You said something about love?" I felt him tense beneath me and my heart sped up so it was like a humming birds wings in my chest and my face felt like it was on fire. I knew that was a bad thing to bring up, I just _knew _it. Too late now I suppose.

"Yes, I did mention something about that didn't I? I know it sounds foolish, but I meant what I said Teresa, I really did. Minus all the bad parts of course." He sounded close to tears and I don't know what it was, but I knew that last part was a lie. He was angry at himself for loving me and I'm not surprised. He has a wife and a daughter who he still loved very much-it must be hard for him to let something like that go. Even if the man who killed them was dead.

"Then why do you sound so sad?" I had my face buried in his chest at this point. I didn't want to see his face. It would have made it all too real. It was true though, he did sound heartbroken.

"Ah, so you picked up on that," he sounded genuinely surprised that I could tell. I didn't even know he'd been trying to hide it, "I s'pose its hard. When you've spent so long holding onto them and then suddenly realizing that there's not really much of a reason to. They're dead. I'm not. There's no point dwelling on it. There are plenty of other things to dwell on."

"Like..?" I wasn't liking the sound of this. I was happy that he had finally let go of his wife and daughter. I really was. I wasn't liking the sound of him "dwelling" on things. This was bad. And it was probably only going to get worse.

"Well," he said with a cold, humourless chuckle, "what's not to feel bad about. I only ruin everything I touch."

"You haven't ruined me," it was true, he hadn't. "give me a list of all the things you've ruined"

"I haven't ruined you? Of course I've ruined you. Look at you. If it wasn't for me you wouldn't have got shot. You wouldn't have almost died. You wouldn't be stuck home al day while your peers are out working and solving crimes. How have I not ruined you?" his voice had risen at the end and he was breathing heavily again. I pulled my head away from where I was resting it on his chest and looked at him. He thinks he's ruined me? If anything he's made me a better person.

"Don't you _dare _feel bad about that. If it wasn't for you that slimy bastard wouldn't be dead. So what if I got hurt? At least I didn't die. At least you didn't die. There are things worse than getting hurt you know."

"But still, if you hadn't followed me into that abandoned building you wouldn't have been hurt and Red John still would've been dead. But, _no_, you had to follow me didn't you. If you had just listened to me then you wouldn't have gotten hurt. It's my fault because I could've just kept it to myself and you wouldn't have known. You wouldn't have been able to follow me and you wouldn't have gotten hurt." Both he and I knew that what he had just said made no sense at all.

"How can you say that? How can you say that when you _know_ that if you had gone after Red john on your own, either you'd both be dead or you would be. How dare you." Oh yeah, I was mad. He _knows_ what would've happened if me and the team hadn't followed him and it seemed he didn't care in the slightest.

"Well, maybe things would be better if I was dead. I can see I'm hurt in you by doing this. Maybe you'd be better off without me. Maybe you all would."

"No. Don't talk like that. You know that I couldn't live without you. You know that _I_ couldn't live without you. Please. You know you don't need to do that. I know what you're thinking and it wont work. Patrick, please" now it was my turn to have tears falling down my face. I knew what he was going to do and it was going to kill me as well. I couldn't lose another person I loved to suicide. Not another one.

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><p><strong>And there you have it. hope you liked it. Thank you again for all the wonderful reviews. They mean a lot to me. Please review, even if its just to say "your story sucks" or something. at least i know you've read it. Thank you again. :)<strong>

**TWD**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey there :) I'm backkkk, I know I told some of you this would be updated really quickly but I was taking some time off to enjoy my holidays. So basically I was sitting around being lazy and watching the season finale of Castle on youtube. If you haven't seen it, go see it right now... well maybe after you've read this. It almost made me cry. I was also watching the last ten minutes of the mentalist season Finale on youtube as well -.- needless to say, I hate it sooo bad but I also love it sooo much. Anyway on with the show :) Enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: Nope, if I owned it the season wouldn't have ended like that.**

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><p><em>I couldn't lose another person I loved to suicide. Not another one.<em>

"I'm sorry Lisbon, but I have to go now." He softly pushed me off him and stood up. This was not going to end well. He was radiating sadness and anger and I didn't want to let him out of my sight. I actually seriously thought of handcuffing him to my stair railing.

"Jane, don't do this. You _can't _do this. Not to me or the other people that love you. Can you imagine how they would feel, how_ I _would feel if you do something stupid?" I stood up as well and moved so that I was staring up, right into his eyes. I could see that what I was saying was making him think. I just couldn't tell whether what he was thinking was good or not.

"And just what do you think I'm going to do Lisbon?" he muttered, staring down at me. I couldn't believe this was really happening, not again. I wanted the old Jane back. The one who could laugh at stupid things, make me smile even when I'd had one of my worst days.

"You know exactly what I'm thinking, don't try to tell me that you don't because I _know_ you and I gave up long ago trying to hide what I'm thinking from you. So do me a favour and stop asking stupid questions that you already know the answer to."

"Well maybe _you_ should stop asking questions you don't want the answer to. You know perfectly well what I'm going to do and trust me. _Nothing_ you do will be able to change my mind in the slightest._ Nothing_ will be able to make it all better. No matter how hard you try to piece me back together again, it won't work. And don't look at me like that, you were thinking it, I could tell."

"Oh, _really?_ Tell me how that wouldn't work; I'm pretty good at picking up the pieces you know. You try having your mum get hit by drunk driver and then having to look after three younger brothers because your dads too drunk to care. Believe me that involves _a lot_ of piecing. But you can go ahead and keep thinking your deluded thoughts about me not being strong enough to help." He had hit a nerve with that one; I wasn't about to let it go. If anyone was good at fixing things it was me. Why couldn't he just see that? Why did he have to be so goddamn stubborn?

"Trust me Teresa, I'm too broken. Nothing you do will ever fix that. _Nothing. _You have to get that." He was looking at me with a pleading look in his eyes, as if he wanted me to understand that, no mater how hard I tried, I couldn't help put his life back on track. Lucky for him (and maybe me), I don't give up that easily.

"Too broken huh? Too broken to be fixed? I like to think that I can fix anything. I'd like to see you prove me wrong." It was true; I did truly believe that I could fix anything. It might take a hell of a lot of time, but I knew I could do it. Why wouldn't he just listen to me?

"This _is_ me proving you wrong. Now, I really have to leave. I need to do something." Now, instead of pleading, he looked distanced and cold. It was a look I'd never seen before on his face and to tell you the truth: that's what scared me the most. He was changing into someone I didn't even know anymore.

"Please, Jane. Don't do this. _Please,_" Yes, I had resorted to begging. This man was breaking my heart and he could stop it. The thing that made it worse was that he didn't. He didn't even stop to think about how anyone else would think about his decisions; he just acted, "Please. I love you, don't do this. I need you. Please, you don't have to. Please…"

Great. Now I was sobbing, tears streaming down my cheeks, shoulders shaking. I couldn't believe that he would look me in the eyes and tell me that, even if we loved each other, there was no way to stop what he was going to do. He just stood there. Watching me cry with that cold look on his face. He was beyond caring. Beyond caring about anyone but himself. The bastard,

"Fine. You know what? Go ahead. Do it. You're the one who'll pay. You never did care about me did you? All you cared about was getting Red John and now that he's gone you want to get rid of you. Well you know what? I'm done. I'm done pretending. I. Love. You. Deal with it. Grow a set and stop running. If you cant do that for me then you don't deserve me."

The tears were still coming as fierce as ever, but my bone crushing sadness had been replaced by something different. Something that ran through my veins and spread fire throughout my body. I was angry. How _dare_ he tell me that he loves me and then tells me that he's going to go and kill himself. How _dare_ he.

"Fine then. Goodbye Teresa." He gave me a curt nod, turned around sharply and stalked out the door. I sat there for about ten seconds in silence before I'd realised what I'd done. I just killed Patrick Jane.

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><p><strong>Almost finished now :) This chapter was actually quite short... let me know what you think. Your reviews always make me smile-even if they're just to tell me that I'm evil for leaving you like this :)<strong>

**TWD**


	10. Chapter 10

**Okayyy first things first... lets not all sharpen our pitchforks and head out to kill the dampire... BOTH of the computers in the house died at the same time and then my computer died which means that we were basically computer-less, which was very bad btw. sooo i have good news and bad newss. **

**Bad news: This weekend may be the last time for a while I'll be able to update**

**Good news: While this chapter is short, it is the second last one so be happy. Also, im planning on finishing this story sometime this weekend. Enjoy:)**

**Disclaimer: Pffft, I wishh**

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><p><em>"Fine then. Goodbye Teresa." He gave me a curt nod, turned around sharply and stalked out the door. I sat there for about ten seconds in silence before I'd realised what I'd done. I just killed Patrick Jane.<em>

So, after sitting there in a crumpled heap for what seemed like half an hour with tears tracking down my face, I decided that if he wouldn't save himself I would just have to save him. Yeah, I know. Not exactly one of my best ideas considering what had just happened, but at that moment, it seemed like the right thing to do. I couldn't just leave him.

It only took me actually walking out the door and getting in the car to realize that I had no idea where to look for him. He could have gone anywhere, how was I to know. Well, as you can imagine, this started a whole new torrent of tears. I had _no_ idea where the hell to start and if I knew Jane, this whole thing could be over and done with in a flash.

As I sat there pondering this, tears still tattooing tracks down my face, I realized that if he was going to 'be with' his wife and daughter. Where was the one place that people go to be closer to their dead loved ones? _God, how could I be so stupid?_

I sat up straight, wiped my face with the back of my hand and started the car; heading to the place I hoped with all my heart he would be-alive.

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><p><strong>Dont kill mee! There will be a new chapter...and soon! I promise! :D<strong>


	11. Chapter 11

**Right, well, i know i said that this would be the last chapter buutt its almost 11 at night and i have to get up at 7 tomorrow so I'm gonna leave it where it is. Enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: ha! God, youre funny.. thinking I own it...**

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><p>I was right, he was where I thought he would be. the problem was that he wasn't exactly in the condition I thought he would be in. he wasn't in the condition I thought hed be in <em>at all<em>.

the hour after that is still a little blurry, wether that's because I don't want to remember it or because I spent the better part of it with my head buried in my hands trying to block out the image of him lying there, in between his wife and daughters graves with an empty pill bottle tossed carelessly, next to him.

yeah, that's right. the bastard decided that he would end it all. I mean, who realy cares about how anyone else feels about him not being around anymore. of course, no one can _really_ give a shit that he could be dead right now, leaving me and the team in the waiting room of the hospital without a clue. Because you know, I wasn't _in love_ with him or anything.

a slight wimper bought me out of my internal rant. I looked up to see grace sobbing into rigsby's shoulder. rigsby was sat silently with his shoulders shaking, holding onto grace like she was his lifline, tears silently making their way down his face. cho was sat stoicaly as ever face staring straight ahead, the only sign of his distress was the wet lines that were echted onto his face. me? I couldn't do anything, I just sat there, staring into my hands. I couldn't even _cry_. and it was all his fault.

Nurses came and went, calling to the families of patients, faces grim as they delivered bad news or splitting grins when they told them that the operation was a success. I studied them and learned what each nurses face said before they called to the families. they were very clever, never giving anything away until the families were close enough to hear, but within the hour or so of grace sobbing and numerous people getting good or bad news id come to learn the tells rather well.

that's why, when there was no one else in the waiting room, a nurse came in I sat up a little straighter. maybe Id be able to tell what she was going to say before she said it. after about a second and a half, I realised that it wasn't going to happen. her face was about a frozen as cho's. no tells _what so ever_.

she stopped in the doorway and surveyed the scene before her. Grace still crying into Rgsby's shoulder, him still holding her. Cho still sitting there silently, dried tears having made little lines down his face. finally, her eyes settled onto me. all I could do was stare right back at her, silently begging her to give me a sign of good news. with her eyes still holding mine she opened her mouth to speak.

"Teresa Lisbon?" her voice was stern but held what sounded like a waver of sympathy. I stood up immeadiatly, maybe a little too fast for my heads liking. I stumbled a little and mabe my way over to her.

"yes? that's me," my voice sounded strange, like I'd just gotten over a bad cold, "is there any news?" hed been in there for around three hours now and to tell you the truth, I was starting to loose hope.

her face was still a mask as she said, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but there has been no change in patricks condition but we found this in his pocket. it's addressed to you." she handed me a crumpled envelope. I took it with a shaking hand and that's when it finally happened. The great, emotionless teresa Lisbon finally broke down.

my eyes registered his neat handwriting on the front of the envelope and I just lost it. he had the _nerve_ to take himself away from everything. away from_ me_ and he wirtes me a freaking _letter_? I don't bloody _think so!_ I clenched my fists, not even registering the fact that the letter was now shrunched within it and I screamed.

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><p>I don't know how long I was like that, crumpled in a heap on the waiting room floor making a soulnd that my own ears didn't even recognise. I don't know how long it took for the nurse to realise that something was very wrong, that I wasn't just upset that he was almost dying, that I was actually debating wether to stay curled up in that ball for the rest of my life or to storm into whatever room they had <em>him<em> in and shaking him awake just so that I could kill him myself. I don't know how long it was before I realise that I wasn't in the waiting room anymore, but in a hospital bed of my own with grace staring down at me.

"hey, boss, how are you feeling?" she had a strained smile on her face, like she was sacred that I was going to snap and kill her at any moment.

"I'm fine, really," I said at her mistrusting look, I was cooled down now, "hey, could you please pass me the letter that Jane wrote me? how is he by the way? any news?"

she shook her haed sadly, "sorry, no news. Cho and Rigsby are still waiting." she handed me the letter, "I'm just gonna go wait with them, a nurse should be in soon." she smiled sadly and left, leaving me by myself to read his familiar writing.

_To my dear teresa,_

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><p><strong>Annnddd there we have it :) Not sure when ill be able to update next so dont kill me in the meantime :) Reveiws are welcome, so dont forget to push that button down there :)<strong>

**P.S. i may have accidently deleted my other mentalist story; Stay? by complete accident... when i get my laptop back i'll put it back up:)**


	12. Chapter 12

**I _finally_ got my laptop back, well kinda. The old one died completely which means that I lost all my stories and documents. I know thats kind of a pathetic excuse for mot updating but anywayy.. :) I'm procastinating, which is probably why this got written in the first place. I just want to say that I HATE exams and I that I think they shoud go and die in a hole. Here's the last chapter of Promises**

**Enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: i havent even see all of season 3 :( how can i own it?**

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><p><em>To my dear Teresa,<em>

_I. Love. You. There, I said it. That's why it causes me so much pain to even have to write this. You brought the light back into my life but I'm not so sure that I deserve it. When I first met you, you were a game to me. All I thought was "how easy is she going to be to read" or how ling will it take me to get under her skin?" after a while though, it was: "how can I make her smile?" and "how will this effect Teresa?" It wasn't until after you got shot that I realised that what I was doing was wrong. _

_You see, I don't deserve your love. Why should I deserve to love again when I'd already caused so much pain to people I love? I know you probably think that this is a load of crap but you have to understand that the voice in the back of my head, the one that will always be there telling me that what I did was the worst thing I could ever do, wont let me live a peaceful life. It will keep chipping away at me until I become so insufferable I'll do something that could end up costing you your life. I don't want that on my shoulders. _

_Suicide may be the coward's way out but, I am a coward. For not being able to face you. For not being able to tell you how I felt. For getting my wife and child killed. For killing myself. You have every right to hate me and I accept that. Just know that I will always be watching over you, whether you like it or not. I love you and I hope that one day you can forgive me._

_I'm sorry_

_Patrick_

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><p>I sat there. Frozen. Familiar tears taking familiar tracks down my face. My tears falling down to join the ones that were already on there, presumably from when he was writing it, smudging the ink and melding his carefully chosen words into one big mess. The anger was gone, just like he was. I knew he wasn't going to wake up. If he wanted to do something there was nothing anyone could do to stop him. Not even me.<p>

I sat there for a few minutes, hours in my eyes, until I finally made up my mind. I pushed back the covers of the bed, silently thanking the lord that they hadn't taken my clothes off and made my way over to Jane's room. He may not be coming back, but I may as well try. That was my promise to him.

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><p><strong>There you have it. Short and not very sweet. Thank you all for all of your awesome reveiws. I <em>Might<em> consider a sequel if enough people ask. Thanks for all sticking with me through it all and not killing me for not updating :) reveiw ?**

**TWD**


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